1
00:00:03,349 --> 00:00:05,974
- women, as any sandra bullock
Movie will attest,

2
00:00:05,997 --> 00:00:08,047
Are hopeless romantics.

3
00:00:08,070 --> 00:00:10,791
Scratch the surface of
The toughest type-a female,

4
00:00:10,814 --> 00:00:11,748
And you'll find a little girl

5
00:00:11,771 --> 00:00:12,990
Still waiting for
Prince charming

6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,575
To appear with
A glass prada pump.

7
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:18,880
Or at least a glass filled
With vodka and vermouth.

8
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,429
Oh, I love romance.

9
00:00:25,452 --> 00:00:27,248
- look at her smile.

10
00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:30,214
She's already imbuing him with
All kinds of wonderful qualities

11
00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:33,500
He doesn't really have.

12
00:00:33,524 --> 00:00:34,903
Think she'll
Take him home?

13
00:00:34,925 --> 00:00:37,933
- in for a penny,
In for a pounding.

14
00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:41,123
- elka!

15
00:00:41,146 --> 00:00:43,898
<I>- I loaned her
My sex and the city dvds.</I>

16
00:00:43,921 --> 00:00:46,354
Might have been a mistake.

17
00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:50,340
- I'm a samantha.

18
00:00:50,364 --> 00:00:53,180
- may we please get back
To the topic at hand?

19
00:00:53,202 --> 00:00:55,157
Which was me.

20
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,071
Here's to
The newest spokesmodel

21
00:00:57,094 --> 00:00:59,781
For tres jolie cosmetics.

22
00:00:59,804 --> 00:01:01,855
Finally my lifelong dream
Has come true.

23
00:01:01,878 --> 00:01:03,928
- spokesmodeling
Is your dream?

24
00:01:03,951 --> 00:01:05,235
- yes, because
It tells the world

25
00:01:05,259 --> 00:01:06,862
I'm pretty
Because I'm a model,

26
00:01:06,885 --> 00:01:12,412
But I'm also smart because
There's spoke-ing involved.

27
00:01:12,435 --> 00:01:14,295
Plus I get $1,000 every time

28
00:01:14,318 --> 00:01:16,463
I mention tres jolie
Cosmetics on my show.

29
00:01:16,486 --> 00:01:19,110
And $10,000 if the story
Is sensational enough

30
00:01:19,133 --> 00:01:20,481
To go national.

31
00:01:20,504 --> 00:01:23,544
- isn't it a little crass
Hoping for some huge catastrophe

32
00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:26,255
So you can make
A few bucks pushing cosmetics?

33
00:01:26,278 --> 00:01:29,380
- it's called
A silver lining, joy.

34
00:01:30,392 --> 00:01:32,697
Oh, more good
News for me.

35
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,197
It's johnny.

36
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:38,534
Oh, he's touring and he wants to
Know if I'm up for a booty call.

37
00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:40,799
- sounds like somebody's
Gonna get stuck between

38
00:01:40,822 --> 00:01:44,052
A rock star
And a hard place.

39
00:01:44,074 --> 00:01:47,018
- will you stop doing that?

40
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:48,678
- I think you secretly
Have a thing for johnny.

41
00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,400
I mean, a woman can't
Have sex with a guy

42
00:01:50,423 --> 00:01:52,564
Without forming some sort
Of an attachment, right?

43
00:01:55,558 --> 00:01:57,545
They looked at me like
I'd suggested we all say

44
00:01:57,567 --> 00:02:00,733
Our real weights out loud.

45
00:02:00,756 --> 00:02:02,297
Which got me thinking.

46
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,466
Was I really so off-base?

47
00:02:04,489 --> 00:02:08,644
I mean, can women have sex
With no strings attached?

48
00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:11,227
- well, of course we can.

49
00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:12,790
- a man in the hand
Is worth two in the...

50
00:02:12,813 --> 00:02:17,543
- seriously?

51
00:02:17,566 --> 00:02:19,839
That one doesn't
Even make sense.

52
00:02:19,862 --> 00:02:22,645
I think sex without
Strings is possible.

53
00:02:22,669 --> 00:02:26,377
Of course not for me,
I'm booty call cursed.

54
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,876
I've had mothers walk in,

55
00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:29,694
I've had mirrors
Fall from ceilings

56
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,353
Revealing hidden cameras.

57
00:02:31,376 --> 00:02:36,392
I've had pet ferrets...
Oh, god, my life.

58
00:02:36,415 --> 00:02:37,988
- you know,
This no-strings thing,

59
00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:40,921
<I>I think it would make a great
Topic for my women's day column.</I>

60
00:02:40,945 --> 00:02:43,569
Actually, I met this
Cute divorced guy

61
00:02:43,592 --> 00:02:45,706
Who's in town for
A couple of days on business,

62
00:02:45,729 --> 00:02:46,949
Do you think
I should call him?

63
00:02:46,972 --> 00:02:49,342
- well, why not?
- absolutely.

64
00:02:49,365 --> 00:02:52,053
And I'm gonna call that
Cute guy I met with the tattoos.

65
00:02:52,076 --> 00:02:53,967
Curses are meant
To be broken, right?

66
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:56,423
- and I'm gonna call fred.
- fred?

67
00:02:56,446 --> 00:02:59,516
- you mean that nerdy guy you
Play cards with every sunday?

68
00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:00,920
- for the past 20 years.

69
00:03:00,943 --> 00:03:02,642
- but I thought you
Guys were just friends.

70
00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:06,140
- if the guy's a cutie,
You gotta tap that booty.

71
00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:15,369
- if the guy's a hottie,
You've got to be naughty.

72
00:03:15,392 --> 00:03:18,802
- when you say it,
It just sounds crude.

73
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,891
- the next night,
In the spirit of research,

74
00:03:31,914 --> 00:03:33,996
I was finishing dinner with
My cute out-of-towner

75
00:03:34,019 --> 00:03:35,877
When I decided
To make my play.

76
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,759
- any recommendations
For dessert?

77
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,291
- how about whipped cream,

78
00:03:39,314 --> 00:03:40,248
And me?

79
00:03:40,271 --> 00:03:41,460
- check!

80
00:03:41,483 --> 00:03:43,628
Uh, check.

81
00:03:43,651 --> 00:03:44,999
You know, I'm just gonna
Leave my credit card

82
00:03:45,022 --> 00:03:47,870
And get it tomorrow.

83
00:03:47,893 --> 00:03:49,114
Shall we?
- okay.

84
00:03:49,138 --> 00:03:50,740
No, wait,
That sounded cheap.

85
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,112
You know, if it were
Real whipped cream,

86
00:03:52,135 --> 00:03:56,419
Not from a can,
That would be classi... Er.

87
00:03:56,442 --> 00:03:58,746
You see, I'm trying to
Have sex with no strings.

88
00:03:58,769 --> 00:04:01,745
- and I support you.

89
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:03,339
- great, so let's go.

90
00:04:03,362 --> 00:04:06,050
No wait, I can't.
But shouldn't I try?

91
00:04:06,073 --> 00:04:07,676
Right, so let's go.
- okay.

92
00:04:07,699 --> 00:04:09,494
- no, wait, I can't.

93
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,121
But I said I would try.

94
00:04:11,145 --> 00:04:12,397
But I have kids.

95
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,949
But they're not here,
So how would they know?

96
00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:16,608
Because I'm
Writing about it.

97
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:17,819
But they might read it.

98
00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:18,873
Why would they read it?

99
00:04:18,896 --> 00:04:19,861
<I>why would they
Read women's day?</I>

100
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:20,818
Well, my daughter
Might read it.

101
00:04:20,841 --> 00:04:23,081
I should just order dessert.

102
00:04:23,105 --> 00:04:26,942
At some point he just left,
I didn't even notice.

103
00:04:26,965 --> 00:04:29,110
So what happened
With tattoo guy?

104
00:04:29,134 --> 00:04:32,204
- oh, my booty call
Curse is still intact.

105
00:04:32,227 --> 00:04:34,086
At first when he said
He might get a tattoo

106
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,000
With my name on it,
I was charmed.

107
00:04:36,022 --> 00:04:38,137
Then when he
Started to undress,

108
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,445
He had the name
Of every woman

109
00:04:39,468 --> 00:04:42,539
He's ever slept with
Tattooed on his body.

110
00:04:42,561 --> 00:04:46,334
I'm hoping sis is
Short for sissy.

111
00:04:46,357 --> 00:04:48,821
- while joy and I had
Clearly failed at

112
00:04:48,844 --> 00:04:50,735
"Wham, bam,
Thank you, man."

113
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,605
Back at the house,
Victoria was about to rock

114
00:04:53,628 --> 00:04:56,052
Rock star johnny revere's world.

115
00:05:00,742 --> 00:05:06,332
- did someone call
For 10cc's of me?

116
00:05:06,355 --> 00:05:08,118
- oh, god.

117
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,841
Call 911.

118
00:05:09,863 --> 00:05:11,243
Wow.

119
00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:12,838
Way to commit to a bit.

120
00:05:12,861 --> 00:05:13,796
- no, really.

121
00:05:13,819 --> 00:05:16,378
I'm dyin'.

122
00:05:16,402 --> 00:05:18,602
- oh, boy.

123
00:05:22,494 --> 00:05:23,778
- after a night in
The emergency room,

124
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:26,267
Victoria found her
Bad boy with benefits

125
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,594
Had become
A burden on bed rest.

126
00:05:28,618 --> 00:05:31,624
- I can't believe
This happened to me.

127
00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:34,305
I mean, I'm virile,
I'm tough.

128
00:05:34,328 --> 00:05:39,025
Could you fluff
My pillow for me?

129
00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:40,939
- aw, don't worry.

130
00:05:40,962 --> 00:05:42,629
You'll feel better.

131
00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:45,468
Once you've given me an
Exclusive celebrity interview

132
00:05:45,491 --> 00:05:47,796
For my show
"Oh, hi, ohio."

133
00:05:47,819 --> 00:05:49,295
- I can't go public.

134
00:05:49,318 --> 00:05:50,794
A heart attack with
No heroin involved

135
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,059
Is a career killer.

136
00:05:53,082 --> 00:05:54,749
- you can say you od'ed.

137
00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:57,429
It doesn't have to be true,
We never check.

138
00:05:57,451 --> 00:05:59,086
- no.

139
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:03,042
No, let the media jackals feed
On my carcass after I'm dead.

140
00:06:03,065 --> 00:06:05,977
They did it to morrison,
They did it to hendrix,

141
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,220
Why should I
Be any different?

142
00:06:07,244 --> 00:06:09,070
- but you are different.

143
00:06:09,093 --> 00:06:13,408
Those guys all died
When they were young.

144
00:06:13,431 --> 00:06:14,971
- you're right.

145
00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:17,619
Look at me.

146
00:06:17,641 --> 00:06:20,233
I'm too old
To die young.

147
00:06:20,256 --> 00:06:21,191
- johnny.

148
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,563
I know
That the doctor said

149
00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:24,890
That mood swings were normal
After a heart attack,

150
00:06:24,914 --> 00:06:27,921
But if you cry,
You'll smear your eye liner.

151
00:06:27,944 --> 00:06:29,388
- eye liner?
- yes.

152
00:06:29,411 --> 00:06:32,609
"Smoky sable,"
New from tres jolie.

153
00:06:32,632 --> 00:06:35,320
I gave you a little touch-up
While you were napping.

154
00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:40,200
And if you let me mention it
On tv I get $10,000.

155
00:06:40,223 --> 00:06:43,230
- victoria, this heart attack
Has opened my eyes.

156
00:06:43,253 --> 00:06:45,176
- yes, and now the eye liner
Is bringing them out,

157
00:06:45,198 --> 00:06:47,472
So why not share that with
A national audience?

158
00:06:47,495 --> 00:06:48,716
- look at us.

159
00:06:48,739 --> 00:06:52,001
We spent our whole lives
Chasing after money and fame.

160
00:06:52,024 --> 00:06:54,361
And what's it
Really gotten us?

161
00:06:54,384 --> 00:06:57,551
- money and fame.

162
00:06:57,574 --> 00:06:59,050
- how can
A nurse's outfit

163
00:06:59,073 --> 00:07:01,474
Be so sexy it gives
A man a heart attack?

164
00:07:01,498 --> 00:07:03,643
- maybe it was just
The shock of seeing

165
00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:06,960
Victoria dressed
As a humanitarian.

166
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:10,532
- aw.

167
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:14,902
"Thanks for
Last night, fried."

168
00:07:14,925 --> 00:07:15,986
- fried?

169
00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:18,953
- fred's phone auto-corrected.

170
00:07:18,976 --> 00:07:21,282
I taught him
To text last night.

171
00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:24,375
After we played cards.

172
00:07:24,398 --> 00:07:26,511
- I cannot believe that
You're the only one

173
00:07:26,535 --> 00:07:29,192
Whose booty call
Got answered.

174
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:30,785
- so how was the game?

175
00:07:30,809 --> 00:07:33,306
- fred had
Very good hands.

176
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:36,814
I didn't have
To bluff once.

177
00:07:41,238 --> 00:07:43,161
- hello, fred.
- morning, joy.

178
00:07:43,184 --> 00:07:46,861
I'm looking for elka.

179
00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:47,882
I was gonna call

180
00:07:47,904 --> 00:07:49,923
To find out
If you got my text.

181
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:53,208
But then I thought,
Calling is so old-fashioned.

182
00:07:53,231 --> 00:07:55,505
I'll just drop by.

183
00:07:55,528 --> 00:07:58,408
- I'm glad you did.

184
00:07:58,430 --> 00:08:02,617
You know, last night's,
Uh, card game

185
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,967
Was the best
I ever had.

186
00:08:05,990 --> 00:08:08,199
- next time I'll show
You how to double down.

187
00:08:10,647 --> 00:08:11,772
I don't know
What that means,

188
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:14,897
But I tremble
At the thought.

189
00:08:14,921 --> 00:08:16,747
Joy, melanie, good day.

190
00:08:16,770 --> 00:08:18,086
- bye, fred.
- bye-bye.

191
00:08:18,109 --> 00:08:20,638
- I hope we'll
Play cards soon again.

192
00:08:20,661 --> 00:08:23,657
- oh, me too.

193
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:31,993
- ugh.
This is insufferable.

194
00:08:32,016 --> 00:08:33,779
The heart of rock n' roll
Is still beating,

195
00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:39,043
But the rest of him is
A quivering mass of neediness.

196
00:08:39,065 --> 00:08:40,509
- poor johnny.

197
00:08:40,532 --> 00:08:41,689
- oh, he'll be fine.

198
00:08:41,712 --> 00:08:45,038
No, it's really
The caretakers who suffer.

199
00:08:45,061 --> 00:08:47,463
- I miss having someone
To take care of.

200
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,153
Like fred.

201
00:08:49,176 --> 00:08:54,447
Taking care of him
Would be a pleasure.

202
00:08:54,470 --> 00:08:56,679
- wow, is it
Serious with fred?

203
00:08:56,702 --> 00:09:00,157
- well, it's not the white hot
Passion it was with max,

204
00:09:00,179 --> 00:09:01,815
But we're very compatible.

205
00:09:01,838 --> 00:09:03,059
- good hands.

206
00:09:03,082 --> 00:09:04,750
- mm.

207
00:09:04,773 --> 00:09:07,206
- he's sweet and funny,

208
00:09:07,228 --> 00:09:12,213
And we both prefer
Animals over people.

209
00:09:12,236 --> 00:09:15,945
- sounds like maybe
You guys have a future.

210
00:09:15,968 --> 00:09:17,859
- oh, who am I kidding?

211
00:09:17,882 --> 00:09:19,454
I'm not a samantha,

212
00:09:19,477 --> 00:09:21,910
I'm a charlotte.

213
00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:23,621
I'm gonna propose.

214
00:09:25,504 --> 00:09:27,045
- wha...?

215
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,033
- victoria?

216
00:09:28,056 --> 00:09:31,224
Can I have some
Chocolate milk?

217
00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,859
With a bendy straw, please?

218
00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:40,057
- having decided to go
Above and beyond

219
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,174
The call of booty,

220
00:09:41,197 --> 00:09:42,928
Elka enlisted our help
In setting the scene

221
00:09:42,951 --> 00:09:44,045
For her proposal.

222
00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:46,214
- so what else do we need
To set the mood?

223
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,713
I don't know what
You and fred are into.

224
00:09:47,736 --> 00:09:51,318
- rawhide and a tennis ball.

225
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:54,602
For the dog.

226
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:58,430
- ♪ a pretty lady
Lays a lunch ♪

227
00:09:58,453 --> 00:10:02,257
♪ to ask her true love
To marry her ♪

228
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,860
♪ it truly is
A magic brunch ♪

229
00:10:05,884 --> 00:10:10,900
♪ that brings
Two hearts together ♪

230
00:10:10,923 --> 00:10:13,229
- johnny sweetie,
Um, you know when I said

231
00:10:13,251 --> 00:10:15,557
That getting back to work
Could maybe help you heal?

232
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,663
What I meant was writing
The kinds of songs

233
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,906
That you used to write.

234
00:10:18,929 --> 00:10:20,469
You know, about
Sex and drugs

235
00:10:20,492 --> 00:10:24,616
And never staying in
One place for too long?

236
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:27,391
- now I see that sex and drugs
Are just a lonely path

237
00:10:27,414 --> 00:10:28,762
To self-destruction.

238
00:10:28,785 --> 00:10:32,366
- yes, but it's the path
People like to dance to.

239
00:10:32,389 --> 00:10:34,566
I mean, elka doesn't
Even need a song,

240
00:10:34,589 --> 00:10:36,608
She's not madly
In love with fred.

241
00:10:36,631 --> 00:10:38,235
They're just two
Dear old friends

242
00:10:38,258 --> 00:10:41,201
Who make each other happy
And have fun in the sack,

243
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,923
So why not get married?

244
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,231
- wow!

245
00:10:44,254 --> 00:10:46,750
You know, ever since my
First single went platinum,

246
00:10:46,773 --> 00:10:50,418
I've just used women
And kicked them to the curb.

247
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:53,161
It's been a happy life.

248
00:10:53,184 --> 00:10:55,011
But something's missing.

249
00:10:55,034 --> 00:10:57,755
And it's that something that
Keeps drawing me back to you.

250
00:10:57,777 --> 00:11:01,551
Oh, my god,
Is it your heart again?

251
00:11:01,574 --> 00:11:02,922
- what are you doing?

252
00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:04,357
- you saved my life.

253
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:06,622
And now I need you
To make it worth living.

254
00:11:06,645 --> 00:11:11,055
Victoria chase,
Will you marry me?

255
00:11:11,078 --> 00:11:12,904
- that's a lot of beer.

256
00:11:12,928 --> 00:11:15,489
- well, I want him
To say yes.

257
00:11:15,512 --> 00:11:17,338
- trust me, you don't want
A drunken yes

258
00:11:17,361 --> 00:11:18,806
To a marriage proposal.

259
00:11:18,828 --> 00:11:19,890
They just take it back
In the morning,

260
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:20,975
Then you're stuck
For six more days

261
00:11:20,998 --> 00:11:22,122
On a seven day cruise.

262
00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:26,812
Oh, god, my life.

263
00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:29,012
- whoa! You guys, johnny
Just proposed to victoria!

264
00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:31,468
- what did she say?

265
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,382
- this had better
Be an acid flashback,

266
00:11:33,405 --> 00:11:37,305
Because I've just about
Had it with you, mister!

267
00:11:37,328 --> 00:11:40,527
- oh, no, what if fred
Turns me down too.

268
00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:42,951
Maybe I should
Call this off.

269
00:11:42,974 --> 00:11:44,003
- too late.

270
00:11:44,026 --> 00:11:45,596
- hi, ladies.
- hi.

271
00:11:45,619 --> 00:11:48,118
- oh, wow, some spread.
- mm.

272
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:50,382
- would you like
A st. Pauli girl?

273
00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:52,742
- I'd prefer
A cleveland cupcake.

274
00:11:55,795 --> 00:11:57,356
I'm good.

275
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:01,800
- melanie just told me
Johnny proposed.

276
00:12:01,823 --> 00:12:03,395
- ugh, one little
Brush with death

277
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:07,192
And he goes all
Josh groban on me.

278
00:12:07,214 --> 00:12:09,106
- did you pop
The question?

279
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,507
- oh, not yet.

280
00:12:10,531 --> 00:12:12,900
Oh, girls, you've gotta help me,
I'm choking out there.

281
00:12:12,922 --> 00:12:13,953
- don't be afraid.

282
00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:15,930
Sometimes you just
Gotta take a leap.

283
00:12:15,954 --> 00:12:17,940
- sadly for fred,
Out in the back yard

284
00:12:17,963 --> 00:12:20,066
Chance was about
To do just that.

285
00:12:27,276 --> 00:12:29,167
- you're right,
I can do this.

286
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:30,953
- whoooooaaa!

287
00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:32,675
- did you guys
Hear something?

288
00:12:33,814 --> 00:12:36,024
- what's wrong, chance?
- what is it, boy?

289
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:39,819
- fred's fallen in the well.

290
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,498
- it's chance, not lassie.

291
00:12:42,522 --> 00:12:45,114
- no, you dope,
Fred just texted me.

292
00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:49,867
He's okay but he's stuck
And he can't get out.

293
00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:51,621
- tell them it's a deep well
But it's dry.

294
00:12:51,644 --> 00:12:54,045
- I'm on it.

295
00:12:54,068 --> 00:12:55,161
Hello, newsroom?

296
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,884
I need a camera crew.

297
00:12:56,907 --> 00:12:59,148
I gotta talk fast
'cause I need to call 911.

298
00:12:59,171 --> 00:13:01,190
This is gonna be big,
Could go national.

299
00:13:01,212 --> 00:13:02,551
Cha-ching!

300
00:13:05,550 --> 00:13:06,835
- much to victoria's chagrin,

301
00:13:06,858 --> 00:13:09,353
"Ohio man trapped in a well,"
Didn't go national.

302
00:13:09,377 --> 00:13:12,065
Twin baby pandas were hogging
The country's attention

303
00:13:12,089 --> 00:13:13,724
At the san diego zoo.

304
00:13:13,747 --> 00:13:16,467
Oh, my god,
They're so cute!

305
00:13:16,490 --> 00:13:18,508
Anyway, ever resilient,

306
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,422
Victoria dug up
An old photo of fred

307
00:13:20,445 --> 00:13:22,241
To goose
The human interest angle.

308
00:13:22,263 --> 00:13:25,430
- the tension here
At well-side is palpable.

309
00:13:25,452 --> 00:13:28,683
As we wait, hoping the fire
Department will arrive in time

310
00:13:28,706 --> 00:13:32,575
To rescue santa claus
From almost certain death.

311
00:13:32,598 --> 00:13:34,041
- fred's fine.

312
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:35,509
- ah, this is elka ostrovsky,

313
00:13:35,532 --> 00:13:37,933
Santa's anguished sweetheart.

314
00:13:37,956 --> 00:13:39,655
Now luckily she's
Wearing tres jolie

315
00:13:39,678 --> 00:13:42,525
Waterproof mascara,
So no runny black streaks

316
00:13:42,549 --> 00:13:44,280
In the tracks
Of her tears.

317
00:13:44,303 --> 00:13:46,193
- no, I'm not.

318
00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:48,586
- I'll be back with
More live coverage of

319
00:13:48,609 --> 00:13:53,975
Santa trapped in a well"

320
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,571
Oh, this is a disaster.

321
00:13:55,594 --> 00:13:58,314
Those little show-off pandas
Are ruining everything.

322
00:13:58,336 --> 00:14:00,770
- well, americans love animals.

323
00:14:00,793 --> 00:14:03,662
Thank goodness chance didn't
Fall in the well too!

324
00:14:08,479 --> 00:14:12,603
- elka, where do we
Keep our dog treats?

325
00:14:12,626 --> 00:14:15,857
Tragedy has struck
A second time here at the well.

326
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,631
In a valiant attempt
To rescue santa claus,

327
00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:20,163
This adorable pup,

328
00:14:20,185 --> 00:14:22,171
Shown here dressed
As a sheep

329
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:23,990
To go trick or treating
For unicef,

330
00:14:24,012 --> 00:14:27,083
Threw himself
Into the abyss.

331
00:14:27,106 --> 00:14:28,550
Wait... I'm just getting word.

332
00:14:28,573 --> 00:14:30,560
We've gone national!

333
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,888
Oh, this is great!

334
00:14:32,911 --> 00:14:35,759
And also tragic.

335
00:14:35,782 --> 00:14:37,896
- have the firemen arrived yet?

336
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,033
- they haven't come
And gone, have they?

337
00:14:40,056 --> 00:14:41,978
- no, fred's still trapped.

338
00:14:42,001 --> 00:14:43,956
Victoria's pretending the dog's
Down in the well too

339
00:14:43,979 --> 00:14:45,998
So she can go national.

340
00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:47,464
- gotta love her.

341
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:52,727
Even if she
Doesn't love you back.

342
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:55,980
- oh, johnny,
I'm sorry, honey.

343
00:14:56,003 --> 00:14:57,352
- yes, love sucks.

344
00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:58,828
I don't know why
People bother, really.

345
00:15:00,054 --> 00:15:01,977
- firemen are here!

346
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,699
How's my hair?
- oh, gorgeous, gorgeous.

347
00:15:03,722 --> 00:15:04,656
My makeup?
- glowy.

348
00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:06,378
- good, good.

349
00:15:06,401 --> 00:15:08,931
- firemen are working feverishly
To extract santa

350
00:15:08,954 --> 00:15:12,599
And his hero dog from
The dank and humidity...

351
00:15:12,622 --> 00:15:14,224
Which without
Tres jolie hair spray,

352
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:17,350
Can really do
A number on your hair.

353
00:15:17,373 --> 00:15:19,009
- this is all my fault.

354
00:15:19,032 --> 00:15:20,891
I wish I had never
Thought of proposing.

355
00:15:20,914 --> 00:15:22,167
- oh, elka,
Fred will be fine.

356
00:15:22,190 --> 00:15:24,272
The firemen will
Get him out any minute.

357
00:15:24,295 --> 00:15:26,887
- they've obviously got
Very impressive equipment.

358
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:29,247
<I>- not the time for
Sex and the city puns, joy.</I>

359
00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:31,544
- no, she means
That big harness.

360
00:15:31,568 --> 00:15:32,501
They'll get him out.

361
00:15:32,524 --> 00:15:34,319
- actually I was
Making a sex pun

362
00:15:34,342 --> 00:15:36,924
To cut the tension,
But yay!

363
00:15:42,698 --> 00:15:44,271
- it's a tense moment,
America,

364
00:15:44,293 --> 00:15:47,555
As they slowly lower the rescue
Harness down into the well.

365
00:15:47,577 --> 00:15:49,501
- isn't she beautiful?

366
00:15:49,524 --> 00:15:53,201
And aren't we all trapped
In wells of our own making?

367
00:15:53,224 --> 00:15:55,944
- and yes, yes,
They're lifting him out.

368
00:15:55,967 --> 00:16:01,367
Much like the lift one gets from
Tres jolie's firming face cream.

369
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:02,929
- that's my cue
To let you out, dude.

370
00:16:02,953 --> 00:16:05,608
- oh, fred, are
You sure you're okay?

371
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,266
- I'm fine.
- oh.

372
00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:10,265
- except it was kind of
Hard to hear "Think fast"

373
00:16:10,287 --> 00:16:13,039
When you tossed
Down the beer.

374
00:16:13,062 --> 00:16:15,050
- oh, what a joyous moment.

375
00:16:15,073 --> 00:16:17,600
Christmas has been saved!

376
00:16:17,624 --> 00:16:19,482
Oh, my god, what's that?

377
00:16:19,505 --> 00:16:20,439
Here.

378
00:16:20,461 --> 00:16:21,811
Here, back to me,
Back to me.

379
00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:24,426
Well, it's
A tres jolie miracle,

380
00:16:24,449 --> 00:16:27,711
America's hero pup
Has been rescued too.

381
00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:29,178
This is victoria chase,

382
00:16:29,202 --> 00:16:32,687
Join me tomorrow when
I do some hard-hitting

383
00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:37,439
Comparison shopping for
A new jaguar convertible.

384
00:16:37,462 --> 00:16:39,194
- I'm sorry, fred.

385
00:16:39,217 --> 00:16:42,032
- actually elka,
Being stuck in a well

386
00:16:42,055 --> 00:16:44,872
A man has time to think.

387
00:16:44,895 --> 00:16:47,423
What I thought about mostly
Was how lonely I've been.

388
00:16:47,446 --> 00:16:52,175
That and whether the bones
Down there were human.

389
00:16:52,198 --> 00:16:53,324
But what I'm
Trying to say is,

390
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,981
I'm not lonely
When I'm with you.

391
00:16:55,004 --> 00:16:58,044
I feel warm and comfortable.

392
00:16:58,067 --> 00:16:59,065
- oh, me too.

393
00:16:59,088 --> 00:17:01,425
We're like two cozy slippers.

394
00:17:01,448 --> 00:17:04,009
- then shouldn't those two
Cozy slippers be together

395
00:17:04,032 --> 00:17:05,093
Under the same bed...

396
00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:06,496
Permanently?

397
00:17:06,519 --> 00:17:09,111
- are you asking me
To marry you?

398
00:17:09,135 --> 00:17:11,982
- if you'll have me.

399
00:17:12,005 --> 00:17:15,140
- well, of course,
I was gonna ask you!

400
00:17:16,885 --> 00:17:19,382
- in that magical moment,
Everyone connected

401
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,008
To their inner charlotte.

402
00:17:21,032 --> 00:17:23,272
Yes, we could
Have booty calls,

403
00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:25,920
But what we wanted was
A truly loving relationship

404
00:17:25,943 --> 00:17:27,037
With lots of strings.

405
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:29,430
And in spite of her
Protest to the contrary,

406
00:17:29,452 --> 00:17:32,682
Victoria was feeling it too.

407
00:17:32,705 --> 00:17:34,628
- seriously?
You'll marry me?

408
00:17:37,648 --> 00:17:39,379
You know, when fred
Proposed to elka,

409
00:17:39,402 --> 00:17:41,836
It just suddenly
Made sense to me.

410
00:17:41,859 --> 00:17:45,280
Romantic love is transitory,
But love based on friendship

411
00:17:45,303 --> 00:17:48,088
And hot sex is eternal.

412
00:17:48,111 --> 00:17:50,575
- how about we
Quit this fast lane,

413
00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:51,819
And get a ranch
In montana?

414
00:17:51,842 --> 00:17:54,626
- oh, no stress, no agents,

415
00:17:54,649 --> 00:17:59,060
Just dogs and horses and
Evenings out under the stars.

416
00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:02,015
Oh, I can
Picture it already.

417
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,596
- it sure gets
Cold up there.

418
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:11,881
- and I do loathe
The outdoors.

419
00:18:11,905 --> 00:18:13,604
But what about manhattan?

420
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,741
We could get
A loft in soho,

421
00:18:15,764 --> 00:18:18,707
Or noho, or whatever ho
Is fashionable now.

422
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:21,035
- or maybe l.A.
I mena, I'm not gonna quit

423
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,140
The music business altogether.

424
00:18:23,164 --> 00:18:24,385
- well, my friends and my show
Are here in cleveland,

425
00:18:24,408 --> 00:18:26,426
So, well,
We'll just have to commute.

426
00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:27,478
You know,
We'll see each other

427
00:18:27,501 --> 00:18:28,850
Whenever we start
Missing each other.

428
00:18:28,873 --> 00:18:30,747
- right, like we do now.
- exactly.

429
00:18:36,209 --> 00:18:40,906
- wow, I guess we already have
The perfect relationship.

430
00:18:40,929 --> 00:18:42,820
- yeah.

431
00:18:42,842 --> 00:18:46,520
I guess we do.

432
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,721
But maybe someday,
You know, when we're older,

433
00:18:48,744 --> 00:18:50,986
And our agents have
Turned their back on us...

434
00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:53,696
- even when we're nobodies,

435
00:18:53,719 --> 00:18:57,078
You'll always
Be somebody to me.

436
00:18:57,101 --> 00:18:59,916
- mm.

437
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:04,987
Hey, you know, I still have
That nurse's uniform upstairs.

438
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,901
- you think my heart
Can handle it?

439
00:19:06,924 --> 00:19:09,857
- you know a better way
To go out?

440
00:19:12,665 --> 00:19:15,576
- and so, a booty call
That started with a whimper,

441
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,597
Ended with a bang...

442
00:19:16,620 --> 00:19:19,053
And just a few
Loose strings.

443
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:21,891
Because all the romantic
Comedies got it right.

444
00:19:21,914 --> 00:19:26,473
The best happy endings,
Are the ones we build to last.